Okay so I'm gonna be real with you - I've been a mess in relationships. Like, proper mess. Not the cute kind. The kind where you're sitting on your kitchen floor at 2am wondering why you keep picking the same type of guy over and over again.

I went through three breakups in like five years. And each time I'd tell myself it was different. Different guy, different circumstances, different "reasons" it didn't work out. But deep down I knew that was bullshit. I was the common denominator. I was the one screwing things up.

My friend Sarah finally just told me straight up: "You need to talk to someone. Like seriously. Because this pattern is insane." She wasn't trying to be mean, but yeah, I was clearly broken in some way.

That's when I decided to actually see an astrologer in Ontario. Not because I'm like, super spiritual or whatever. Honestly I was pretty skeptical. But I was also desperate enough to try literally anything at that point.

I Didn't Know Anything About My Actual Birth Chart

So I went to this appointment and the astrologer in Ontario asked me a bunch of stuff I wasn't expecting. Like, she wanted to know the exact time I was born. Down to the minute. And where. I had to call my mom because I literally had no idea.

Turns out that matters. Like, a lot.

She pulled up my chart on her computer and it was honestly kind of overwhelming. There were all these symbols and lines and numbers and I was just sitting there like... "what am I looking at?" But she started explaining it and okay, it started making sense:

• Your sun sign is what people see. It's your external personality
• Your moon sign is like... your actual inner feelings and moods that you hide
• Venus is how you love people and what turns you on (emotionally and physically)
• Mars is how you chase what you want and how you handle conflict

I'm a Capricorn, right? So people see me as this competent, organized, no-nonsense person. I run my life like I'm managing a business or something. But my moon sign is in Pisces. Which means inside I'm like... drowning. Constantly feeling everything. Super emotional. Intuitive but kind of lost.

So basically I'm presenting as "I have my shit together" while internally I'm a total mess. And apparently that's written in the stars or whatever. That's just literally how I'm wired.

Why I Keep Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men

This is where things got real uncomfortable.

The astrologer asked me to describe my three exes. And as I was talking about them, I started noticing a pattern. They weren't the same guy obviously - one was a commitment-phobe, one was married (yeah, I went there, not proud), and one was basically just emotionally cold all the time.

But the thing they had in common? None of them were available. And I realized... I picked unavailable guys on purpose. Like subconsciously I was drawn to them.

The astrologer wasn't judgy about it, which was actually nice. She was like, "Look, your moon sign draws you to intensity and deep feelings. But your Venus placement means you sometimes confuse emotional unavailability with depth. You think if someone is hard to reach, it means they're worth reaching for."

And I was just sitting there like... damn. That's accurate.

She showed me:

• How my chart makes me attracted to people who need "fixing"
• Why I interpret coldness as mysteriously deep instead of just... cold
• How my past stuff (like my dad being emotionally distant) plays into this
• Why I keep trying to make it work even when it's obviously not working

It sounds harsh but honestly? It was the opposite. It was kind of relieving. Like I'm not fundamentally broken or unlovable. I'm just attracted to people who are basically impossible to build a healthy relationship with. Which... I can work with that. That's fixable.

The Actual Astrology Services Conversation Helped More Than I Expected

I went into this thinking it would be like... reading a horoscope. General stuff that could apply to anyone.

But the astrologer we talked for like two hours. And she wasn't trying to predict my future or tell me when I'd meet "the one" or any of that stuff. She was just... listening to my problems and explaining how my chart relates to them.

The best part was she didn't make me feel like I should just accept my chart as fate. She was like, "Okay, this is how you're wired. Now what do you want to do about it?"

That actually gave me agency over it, you know?

Real Talk - It Didn't Fix Everything

I'm not gonna lie and say I saw one astrologer in Ontario and now my love life is perfect. That would be insane.

I do catch myself these days, though. If I'm interested in someone and I know that they are emotionally unavailable, I can actually see this rather than just ignore it. I would tell people that "he's too busy with his work" or "he's suffered and he needs time. Now I'm like... no. He's just not looking to get close to anyone.

I'm also much less mean about the broken relationships to myself. I used to believe that I chose the wrong boys. But it was more like I was looking for guys with the same wiring as me. My chart revealed to me what I was drawn to, and why. You can actually change that once you see it.

If you find you are in the same relationship pattern, consider an astrologer in Ontario or astrology services. I began by taking readings from the charts and then joined Master Gurudev for more profound spiritual guidance. The combination of astrology and mentorship really helped me understand that I was making the same mistakes over and over and how to stop doing that. It's not magic. But it works.